I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for such a long time but never really knew the right way to word it, or whether I should even bother; but I feel like writing it down in a blog post will be a way to document how I feel now and compare it to how I feel maybe a month or 2 down the line.
For as long as I can remember, I have had this over powering desire to impress; I guess we all do to a certain extent. Obviously the urge to impress can be a great thing as it pushes us to be the best versions of ourselves but the thought of someone thinking badly of me or me not being ‘good enough’ literally keeps me up at night. Everything I do, I always think about the worst possible consequence and often find myself taking on too much to please other people instead of doing things that make me happy; like blogging.
This is something that, especially over the last month or so, I have been trying to change; I need to find the right balance of doing well and impressing but also focusing on myself and what makes me happy. Life is so short and it’s important to put yourself first sometimes, it doesn’t make you rude or selfish; it’s all about prioritising.
The best time for me to focus on myself, I find, is the evenings because I can literally shut myself off from everyone and do what I want. My favourite thing to do is run myself a nice Lush bath with a few candles; it helps me relax so much and clear my mind after a busy or stressful day (sometimes I sit in the bath for so long I start to doze off) Usually once I’ve dragged myself out of the bath, I make myself a hot chocolate and sit in bed and binge watch Gossip Girl for the 100th time. This is usually the time of night when I turn my work phone off and completely unwind.
During the weekends, I am trying to make more of an conscious effort to ‘book an appointment with myself’. This includes sitting down to write blogs posts and go out with my camera, both of which make me so incredibly happy.
Sometimes it’s easy to fall back in to old ways but I am determined to finally start putting myself first and finding the right balance between that and helping others.